I Am A Thinker

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Sedona, Arizona

 

My troubles set my already troubled mind down a dim road.
They pile on, unforgiving in their weight.
One by one I hold a box before me, revealing its contents with the pleasure a girl might have opening her closet to check for monsters.
I try to make sense of them, because I am a thinker.
Sorting out the why’s, the because.
Searching for an answer, a semblance of a reason this box is here.
I am too slow in my goings, the progress I make seems but a single page from a book, where there is little hope in understanding the entire story.
But I must make sense of it, because I am a thinker.
Oh how I wish things were easier done than said, than thought.
If they were maybe I would burn my troubles to the ground.
Would I be free of the weight then or would I remain trapped to the ashes left
in its wake?
The humor of it seems I am both wary of action and inaction.
I fight for the sanity of my rationality knowing my mind is both lock and key, with the power to free and the power to cripple.
A balance of both, a lesson in each, I surrender to the acceptance of the weight.
I carry them now in the hopes that someday I will have the strength to light the match, scattering the ashes with a lasting breath of air.
My mind settles and I am free.
Because I am a thinker.

________

I have always been told: “You’re a thinker.”
I always thought it was a good thing, but I’ve come to realize sometimes you just need to act.

I write this after having lost an opportunity because of my lack of action. Have you ever lost something because you did nothing, were waiting for a better moment? Could you see the opportunities laid out before you but didn’t act because you were afraid of failure?

Most of us struggle with this. It’s a fight we must win against our own mind telling us to hide. We do not realize it in that moment of uncertainty, but there is nothing to hide from. Sometimes we need to release ourselves from the pressure of overthinking things, from searching for every possibility. Break through that barrier because it’s holding you back from life and unimaginable experiences.

Our mind can be our cripple but it can also be our greatest strength.

Conquer it and you will conquer fear!

 

One Belief

Hawaii

Oahu, Hawaii

We had arrived an hour early to church through the confusion of time change (a while back). There was no one but us three in the church. I was a bit fidgety but they were right and left of me, both stoic…

_____

We gather at church a little early
Sitting in the quiet
Somber, peaceful, silent
My dad with his head hung low
Mom with her eyes to the Gospel

I sit and I watch
Each deep in thought
For a moment the world is stilled
My mother clings to her religion through books, truth
Words that fill, satisfy
She accepts all and gives everything
Walking in search of Father who will heal her sins

I sit and I watch
With his head hung low, eyes closed shut, my father prays
An exhaustion so pure his body gives in
He has worn a different path
Searching not in books but in his heart
Solitude and meditation are his links

It is beautiful witnessing two beliefs
Both strong and powerful
Pure and genuine
A love rooted deep through living
Having known dark and light

I sit, I watch, I wonder
How can a belief be questioned
How can there be uncertainties
When your two constants have surrendered so completely
Where they go I will follow
It is not a blind following to be shamed
But rather a belief in of itself
To follow with all your heart
To love, to trust, to faithfully leap

I sit, I watch, I follow

Who We Are

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San Antonio, Texas

Defined by our past
Our great loves and epic tragedies
Our triumphs and failures
The company we keep
And those who’ve fallen

The surface so easily legible
We are labeled and defined
Friend or Foe
Worthy or Unworthy
What then remains

We are all that can be seen
Yet so much more

Dreaming creatures, we are passion
Longful leaders, wild believers
Beautiful lovers, hopeful visionaries
Ever-changing, always and forever
Dreaming, believing, seeking

Who we are

Pure Joy

Recently joining Young Catholic Professionals I attended a panel discussion about Joy. There were three topics: pleasure, happiness and joy. Pleasure is fleeting, happiness is an emotion that comes and goes, but joy is constant. Only true joy may be given to us by God, by knowing Him. This gift allows us to persist even in the midst of our sadness.

Pure Joy is given to us by God
We see it in the crinkles of our eyes
Feel it in the lightness of our hearts
We asked and have received
And thank God for that because in Life there is also Sorrow

We have all seen Pain that overtakes
If our Joy so easily corrupts we have mistaken it for happiness
Merely an emotion amongst others
Pure Joy is a state of being
Be joyful in knowing that He is in control

And thank God for that

The Descent

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Sedona, Arizona

Thanksgiving 2017 found my family in the midst of the Sedona Mountains. In search of its famous vortexes we found instead a man who carried hearts made from the earth. One each he gave us and in turn we offered him curious glances. Upon climbing further we found him perched atop the highest peak playing music for all to hear. He sang out for peace, joy, healing, and compassion. When he came down to greet us once more we were sure we had met an angel and had found our long awaited vortex.

_

When the world seems too big Mother Earth offers comfort
All we need is look
When the world’s flying by Father Sky offers respite
All we need is ask
Find a seat next to Her and look up to Him

Praying for peace of light in this darkened world
It’s shadow will never reach this spot
Quiet stillness accompanies this vast landscape
Nary a footfall reaches my ears

Atop a mountain sits an angel summoning musical notes of beauty
He calls to the land, to the souls, calling forth our eyes, ears and mind
As we rise, as we soar, we abandon our bodies
For in this light we see clearly
Arms outstretched as we ride the notes in the sky
For peace, joy, healing and compassion

Feet settling on the ground our journey ends
In the beginning we climbed searching
In the end we descend having been found

Is This A Dream

During my study abroad travels in college it came time to say goodbye to Italy. I climbed a hill in the early morning to my favorite look out point. Sitting beneath a bricked archway I looked out, closed my eyes and breathed in the fresh mountain air. Silence all around, the fog already starting to fade, I took out my journal to write for the last time…

A muted peace in the air
Both saddened and alive with this final climb
Fingertips brushing, memorizing aged textures
My familiar spot, a familiar friend
This is home

Sitting here, hoping, praying
Is it a dream
My days are fading
The fog gathers, here, there, beyond my view
I am leaving tomorrow
I will fade like the morning fog
It was all a dream
Will I remember this place
Will it remember me
My traveled path leads away
Now it is time to return
Will I remember it
Will I ever return

This climb steeper, my breathing fills the morning air
Gray strands dancing, tickle my smiling face
Familiar rough textures reflecting back on my skin
At last, my old friend
I am home

via Daily Prompt: Foggy

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/foggy/”>Foggy</a&gt;

 

Transient

 

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Corpus Christi, Texas

Beautiful in life, we live amidst the trees
Swaying with the winds, glowing in the hues
But a moment we balance
When in time we fall, it is not in finality
Caught in open arms or among the shores of creation
Carried away, a beautiful goodnight

To all those who have closed their eyes to this world
Who will truly see when they open them again

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/photo-challenges/drifter/”>Transient</a&gt;

Our Love Song

I am asleep to the sounds of the world
All is mute
It begins

A noise in the quake
A love that will awaken me
Call my name, thus I lie
Paralyzed I need only you
Sing me forth from the depths of night
A volume that rings pure
You command my state
I will rise to your name
To the songs of our love
Captured, captivated, I forever yours

At it’s end
You lay me down to rest
A soundless world filled only with our songs

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/volume/”>Volume</a&gt;
via Daily Prompt: Volume

What Is Your Veil?

One Sunday Father preached
There is a veil over us, over all
We may deny this veil, but we know it well
It is a part of us in the form of ourselves
We feel it not as something separate
But rather inseparable
For each person it is different
But for all it does the same
Shades us from the true path that leads to God
He may walk ahead or behind
But our eyes will never know Him
How do we rid ourselves of this veil
When it binds both our hands, pulls us
Its hold over us is intoxicating
Drowning out all else until it is physically binding
We catch only glimpses of the sun
Only fragments of the wind
We wish to tear it off but can no longer find a hold
It is seeping into our soul
A binding skin, it has latched on
Identifying veil from skin becomes impossible
Our mind is clouded, but this is not who we are
We are not the veil
The strength it has is fed by us
If there is no acknowledgement
If we do not accept it, it will not be so
But what is true is our love for God
The truth is the Father
Follow your truth, and you will know Him
Walk beside Him, love Him
A love free and true
True and free of the veils of the world.